Intentionally Ignoring an Intention

("I am a Goddess and" - added after finishing blog) Today has been busy.  Work was stressful, as usual, and when I got home, I helped my brother and mom in getting Christmas things put away in the attic.  I have no problem in helping, I just did not expect it or realize that it would be happening today.  Based on the extra work, I decided that I could easily put off completing an intention until tomorrow.

• Fold Laundry.
• Read 1 Chapter Forever Amber.
• Go through 1 magazine.
• *Smile

I decided to put off folding laundry.  In actuality, I could do it, but I just do not feel like doing it.  I am allowing my excuses to take over, and I accept it.  As long as I set it as an intention tomorrow and complete it, my excuses will not have won as they have for much of my life (folding laundry is something I rarely do, instead opting to leave my clean laundry unfolded in a laundry basket to wrinkle).

This morning I read a couple of pages so that I would be at the beginning of a chapter in my book.  During my lunch break, I read more than a chapter.  I have read even more since I came home.  The book may be very long, but it is so addictive.  If I did not realize before this book, I know now - I like historical fiction. :)

After running an errand with mom, I noticed that my intention list mentioned going through a magazine.  I had completely forgotten, but proceeded to grab one and went through it while hanging out then while we watched American Idol.  I think I may be about halfway through my magazines from 2005?  Yes, my magazines are that old.  I read a bunch of the smaller things and generally read a little of each article to decide to read now, save, or throw out.  I do not think that I spend as long reading the magazine as I would if it were new and I was caught up with my magazines, but I do read a little bit of most if not all things in the magazine.  I pretty much only skip the horoscopes (too old) and the articles about celebrities that I think are foolish.

As for smiling?  I did not do that nearly enough today.  It is hard to smile when my mother has a headache, my brother in law is having a lot of pain, and my coworker in going through messy personal issues that have her stressed out to the max, and another coworker is really sick but without sicktime.  It was hard to stay positive and optimistic when most people were having a rough day and it permeated into my day.  I also had a lot of phone calls from people being rude and I am sorry to say that I said the word "prick" many times after getting off the phone or listening to voicemail.  Today was crazy-stressful enough that just now, as I type this sentence, am I remembering that I, in fact, AM a Goddess.

I am a Goddess and I will think mind over matter and be rid of this cold and perpetual bloody nose of the past 3 months with haste!

Catching Up

I am a Goddess, and I had planned to work on Creating My Goddess Year yesterday with my sister, but unfortunately, she was unable to come and visit.  As we did not work together, I decided that I needed to set that as an intention.

• Call & go to S*****'s office for glasses prescription (if office is open).
• Read 1 chapter of Forever Amber.
• Do 1 page of Creating My Goddess Year.
• *Bonus - Be Positive - Smile

Last night I was very tired and did not set my intentions.  I actually waited until after my shower and breakfast to finally set my intentions.  As I was unable to find my prescription over the weekend, I decided that it was necessary to get a new copy.  Realizing that today was a holiday (Martin Luther King Jr Day), I was not sure that the office would be open.  Luckily, when I called, they were and made a copy of the prescription.  Equally lucky is the fact that I work on the fourth floor of the building and they are located just below my office on the third floor.  Come lunch time, I quickly ran downstairs and got a copy of my prescription.  It was so much easier than tearing apart the house to find the original.  Glasses prescription in hand, I asked dad to accompany me to the mall to buy new glasses.  He put up with me trying on several dozen pairs of glasses and sunglasses before settling on the ones that I chose.  Having my father with me also means that I was better able to understand the different things that they tried to sell me.  My glasses seemed expensive to me, but the glasses and sunglasses were equally expensive, but on a buy one/get one sale so each was half price.  According to the excellent sales girl, they both are custom order so will be mailed out and I should have them in one week.  After waiting since early April (when I got the prescription), I will finally have new glasses.  Yay!!!!

Forever Amber is a huge book.  Really, it is.  It is 972 pages.  This means it is really heavy.  Today, for the first time, I actually brought it with me to work.  I read it on my lunch break (listening to Clair de Lune to tune out my coworkers) once I got back from grabbing my prescription.  I believe that I read a full chapter, but I went from the middle of one to the middle of the next.  Either way, I will read more before bed.  It is a really good book and I'm enjoying it immensely.

Based on the fact that I unexpectedly went out to get glasses, I only completed one page of Creating My Goddess Year.  I had previously completed the first two pages last weekend while my sister was here and we had planned to do more over the weekend.  I feel as if today was catching up because I did some more of the workbook.  Today, I wrote about many things that I was grateful for in 2009.  Among them was being grateful that I was able to be a a witness to my sister marrying the man that she loves, and that I am grateful for Dutch!  When I first looked at the page, it was intimidating.  An entire page of things I was grateful for?  I did not know if I could fill it.  But then I got the end of the page and was worried that there would not be enough space for everything that I wanted to mention.

I do not know if I was positive all day, but I did try to be.  I know that I became more positive when I spent time with my parents, when I bought my new glasses and sunglasses (which should be really good for when I get migraines), and when I thought about how tomorrow is my anniversary at the job and I have made it over a year at my first full-time job.  That thought makes me smile and happy.  Today was also picture day because we will be getting new badges at work.  I had completely forgotten about this, but I borrowed my sister's word of presence and just took the picture.  My coworker showed me the picture and offered a retake if I wanted it, but I decided that if I am to be in the present, there is no reason to correct the past.  I was not making a funny face, there was no food in my teeth, and it was only going to be a 1 inch by 1 inch picture.  The picture was me, there was no need to change it.  Some of my coworkers went so far as to beg off having their pictures taken today due to lack of makeup or whatnot.  I had completely forgotten about the picture and my hair was still wet when I arrived to work.  I was not wearing makeup.  Does that matter?  No.  I looked like me, and that picture is not going to circulate.  It will be on my name badge, on me.

I am a Goddess, and I am thrilled to finally be getting new glasses.  I have needed new glasses for well over a year, but have had the prescription for 9 months.  Either way, getting the glasses will be one less stressor in my life.

Altered Intentions

I am a Goddess, and I set my weekend intentions with certain expectations of what the weekend would entail.  I was wrong...

• Try to find glasses prescription (if found - order new glasses).
• Look at windshield wiper problem w/ dad.
• Enjoy spending quality time w/ family during the football game.

I was smart in setting my first intention.  I nearly stated to find the prescription and order the glasses, but did not want to set myself up for an automatic failure to meet the intention.  I search for the prescription and could not find it.  I know where I last saw it and a variety of other places that I could have placed it, but it was not found in any of them.  I did try to find the prescription, but unfortunately, I could not find it.  I will have to call my eye doctor to ask for a new prescription.  I want to be able to wear glasses when I do not feel well without the worry that they will cause a migraine or cause me to feel worse.

Although I had the intention to look at the windshield wiper problem with my dad, he looked into it before I asked him to.  I asked him to check with me because there was daylight and it seemed that he had time, but I guess he also had time earlier and did it without me.  A simple solution to the symptom (was not working because out of fluid), but as it was filled less than two weeks earlier, there may be a separate problem.  So I was unable to look at the problem with dad, but I did discuss it with him and did make the effort, so I will say this was accomplished.

As for football?  I do not understand football.  Growing up, my sister and I chose which team to root for in the superbowl (the only game the family ever had on - because of the commercials) based on which team had cuter uniforms.  I am more than willing to learn about football, but I have no patience for it when the person trying to teach really does not have anything invested in the game.  (I am a baseball fan.  I love the Mets.  I would watch every game if I could and wish I had season tickets. - That is my definition of investment in a sport.)  Last weekend, my sister and brother-in-law came to the house to watch the football game.  My brother-in-law "forced" me to watch, saying that I could not leave the room.  In order to be more positive, I decided to call it spending "quality time" this weekend.  Unfortunately, my brother-in-law was not feeling well so they did not come for the game.  The rest of my family was not watching the game so I had no need.  I did watch part of the game, trying to follow what was happening, and I did spend quality time with each of my parents.  I could not meet the original intention, so I altered it and met the altered intention.

This weekend did not end as I expected it to, but I tried to keep a few extra intentions that I have set at other times.  In addition to this weekend's specific intentions, I also dressed how I wanted to feel today.  I may still feel sick, but I look fabulous.  I went through another magazine.  I got to work on time (with the help of my father since my weekend job is working for him an hour from home for a few hours on Sunday mornings).  I did my laundry (will fold tomorrow as it was not an intention so I watched the first half of the Pride and Prejudice miniseries with my mother tonight).  I took Dutch for a few walks and got closer to halfway down the street without needing to carry him.  I also am publishing this blog (with one set of intentions for the weekend, I did not publish yesterday).

I am a Goddess, and I am enjoying learning to apply my intentions to my life without needing to set the same intentions multiple times.

Erm wait, 5 intentions?

I am a Goddess, and today I'm running late!

• Dress how I want to feel.
• Wore more, "discuss" problems with work less.
• Be Optimistic about workload.
• *Bonus - Stay Positive - Smile
• Call G***** re: treximet

Although I got up late this morning, I made sure to start a yummy, healthy breakfast (which mom so graciously finished and dad enjoyed with us) so I could start the day properly.  When I got dressed (jean Friday - yes!), I wore my heels because I usually feel better in heels than in sneakers, thereby accomplishing my first intention.  I also called the doctor's office early in the day to check on my prescription as I have been unable to get a refill for two weeks as the doctor needs to obtain prior authorization.

One of my coworkers was out today and she is one that I will usually "discuss" problems with more than any others, so the second intention was easier.  Also, by getting more work done, it was easier to be optimistic.  If I can accomplish this amount of work in this amount of time, there is a chance of catching up!  Although I did work hard and become optimistic, I was also a realist and sent my boss an email update on the workload.  There are two people doing a job that actually requires at least another part-time person to do the job properly.  We are doing our jobs, plus we were given work from another department.  This was promised to be a temporary fix but it has lasted at least three months now.  It is the main source of stress that I have at work because I do not do my job properly because I do not want to completely ignore the other job as it was assigned to me and my coworker.  Giving my boss the update may inspire her to tell her boss so that we can get back to our priorities.

I think I also was positive for most of the day.  I smiled a lot and I received a compliment of appreciation from a cowroker that helped.  An added bonus was that today was Friday so I have the weekend to look forward to.  ::smile::

I also went through another magazine even though it was not on my list.  I think I may be getting used to the idea of going through a magazine daily so that it may not need to be an intention.  Hmmm.

I am a Goddess and I am looking forward to seeing my sister this weekend!

A Bonus Day

I am a Goddess, and today I tried to play a little bit of catch up.  Well, last night when I chose my intentions, I started, and then it continued.

• Put in request for Personal Time for Appt w/G*****
• "Research" M***** and other hearing specialists.
• Go through 1 magazine.
• *Bonus - Stay Positive - Smile as much as possible (when appropriate).

When I chose/set my intentions last night, I could not help but add "Stay Positive" again.  It has worked once and been a challenge the next time.  This time, to aid my success, I noted smiling.  Almost every time a person smiles, she feels better.  If it is a fake smile or done to appease another person, it does not work, but most other times, it is a positive thing.  As I do work in healthcare, I had to add "when appropriate" so as not to encourage myself to smile when I need to be more solemn when speaking with a patient (it happens occasionally that a patient gives off the vibe that he will not take me seriously if I smile).  Smiling really brightened my day.  I am still sick, I am still overworked, I am still single, BUT I smiled and felt better.  It is an amazing thing to be able to be positive when stressed.  It really helps.

Early this morning, I sent my time off request to my boss.  It is only an hour and it is to gain control over my migraines which she understands are bad.  About a month ago (I think?), I had bad migraines that controlled my life for a week.  Due to their severity, I took two and a half sick days.  I would have preferred the entire week off, but was concerned over my workload and went to work with migraines.  I called out on Monday (or Tuesday) and Thursday, but went to work on Friday with another migraine.  Not even halfway through the day, I told my boss that I was waiting until lunch, but taking the rest of the day off.  I could not function.  That day, I had an urgent appointment with the neurologist and was put back on migraine meds.  For the next few weeks, everytime my boss saw me, she asked how I was.  She eventually told me how bad I had looked that day.  Although I never can tell if my boss likes me or not, I know that she is concerned for my welfare and that is a good thing.  It also means that she should easily approve the time off request.

The final two intentions are why this post is coming so late.  The other day I went through 1 and a half magazines.  Today I started with the half magazine, did not know where "1 magazine" would end, so I finished another magazine, going through another magazine and a half.  After finishing that, I got online to research hearing specialists.  It turns out the doc I noted has his office too far from work so I will probably need much more time off or to go to another doctor.  I want to go to a hearing specialist because over the last few years, my hearing has deteriorated.  I can hear, but, whereas my sister will hear music in a restaurant and recognize it immediately, I rarely will be able to hear the music or it is too low to recognize.  Even the volume on the television needs to be much louder that it should be.

One last thing.  I mentioned the windshield wiper fluid problem to my dad and we will look into in most likely on Saturday.  He had filled the fluid 2 weeks ago so it should be fine.  It does not make sense for it to not work and it shouldn't be empty.

I am a Goddess, and I am going to bed.

A Challenging Day

I am a Goddess, but even Goddeses can have challenging days.  I would love to blame the week of challenges on the fact that one of my first calls on Monday morning was from someone that last Wednesday had told me that he could do my job better than me (he had been misinformed about something and believed that I had failed to give him pertinent information for over a month).  By beginning the week with that phone call, all of his negative energy washed over me and every day I have felt like I was going insane at work.

Anyway - here were my intentions for the day:

• Keep a positive attitude.
• Read a chapter of Forever Amber.
• Check windshield washer fluid/refill.

Although I wanted to keep a positive attitude, negative energy had a funny way of sneaking back up on me.  Large amounts of stress and an excessive workload kept me from staying very positive.  On a few occasions I spent time with coworkers that understood my stress and I understood theirs.  Instead of encouragement (though I did attempt this a little bit), we managed to each discuss our stressers to get them off our chests.  This bred negativity as we did not switch to encouragement or anything to make the situation positive.

I pretty much knew when I got home from work that I was not going to check my windshield washer fluid.  My father helped me change it last week but I'm having the same problem again in that it is not spraying.  I assume that it is because the temperatures are bordering on 0 degrees Farhenheit lately.  I think the fluid has frozen.  With the temperature that cold, it is too cold to spend time outside.  I used logic to talk myself out of completing an intention.

I did not want to end my day on too low of a note so I did grab my book and I have already read a few chapters and plan to read more before bed.  I started it the first weekend of the new year and had not read since.  I love to read but the book is 972 pages and a historical fiction novel.  I want to read, but the size and idea of the book is daunting.  I had actually read the prologue months ago and never continued the book at the point.  The story is very interesting but the shear size of it was hard to overcome.  I hope to finish it this month.

I am a Goddess, but even Goddesses need to work to stay positive sometimes.  I was not completely positive all day, but negativity did not overwhelm me.  I also did read more than my specific intention.  For this, I can end my day on a positive note.

A Difficult Intention and Helping a Coworker

I am a Goddess, and today's intentions follow:

• Get to work on time.
• Go thru one magazine or box.
• Keep a positive attitude.

I was 4 minutes late to work, but it was before some of my coworkers with the same schedule instead of after all, so I'm ok with that.  Hoping to not be late (at all) tomorrow.  Yesterday I was a minute early.  (Let me clarify - I am usually 10 to 20 minutes late to work daily.  Although it allows me to get more work done at the end of the day when the phone isn't ringing, we had a department meeting on Friday and my boss commented on lateness in general.  Trying to change my ways.)

As for the magazine/box, I went through a magazine and a half, reading some and saving some articles to read later.  I have a box that easily has 50 magazines in it.  I refuse to throw them out without looking at them, so I have to go through each.  The other option was to go through a box.  Although I did not commute to college for long, I acquired boxes that were not all emptied.  I also had a flood a few years back, packed everything, had a sump pump put in, and did not regain the same amount of shelving when I unpacked.  This means that I did not unpack all of those boxes either.  Setting the intention of a box or magazine will cause me to start with one, but likely deal with more than one of whichever I choose.  I can deal with one thing.  I can not wrap my mind around 10 or 50.

My third intention was the most difficult, but I plan to set it again daily.  "Keep a positive attitude."  At work, it is so easy to become very stressed to the point of negativity.  By choosing to keep a positive attitude, I decided to listen to Lady GaGa (the music is so upbeat that I naturally stay positive).  When my coworker (that "shares" my job and was out sick yesterday) was becoming stressed, she mentioned the idea of turning on Linkin Park because it would match her mood.  I immediately told her that I had decided that today I would keep a positive attitude, and that I would not play any hard rock or metal.  I like Linkin Park.  I like Metallica.  But I have to say that upbeat pop and dance music puts me in a much better mood than they do.  When she heard this (and how I had a Care Bears album on my iPod courtesy of my sister, but had just taken it off), she rethought Linkin Park and decided to try to stay positive also.  Later, I saw her flipping past some of the heavier artists on her iPod to get to the lighter pop or upbeat dance music.

I am a Goddess, and I have the ability to help other people improve their lives by being myself.

Setting Intentions

I am a Goddess, and I decided that with a word of the year like "intention," it would be an important thing to set some intentions.  I usually like the number 4, and may increase later, but I also like the number 3, and have decided to set 3 intentions.  On Friday night, I knew there were some specific things I wanted to get done over the weekend.  I also knew that I was heading into a busy weekend (my friend's daughter was having her 5th birthday party on Saturday, my sister and brother-in-law were coming for a football game on tv, and my friends had a surprise going away party as they were supposed to move out of state today).  Instead of coming up with a to-do list a mile long that would overwhelm me, or even coming up with separate intentions for each day, I picked 3 intentions for the weekend.

• Get a birthday card and $15 ($5 for past/present/future and some spending money for the new city/state, as well as less stuff to move)
• Do laundry and Fold (I usually leave clean laundry in a basket for weeks until too much laundry and fold most but have more that I leave in a basket)
• Carwash (I have an irrational fear of the carwash.  My car needed cleaning but I'm scared of screwing up getting the car aligned in the groove so it can go through in neutral.)

Saturday I accomplished the first intention.  Sunday, before the party, I started laundry, went through the carwash on the way home, then put my laundry in the dryer when I got home.  On Sunday night I actually folded my laundry and put it all away.  It felt so amazing on Sunday to accomplish my intentions.  The feeling was actually more of elation since I have the nasty habit of procrastination in my life (not so much at work).  I took those feelings last night and set another 3 intentions for today.  I thought about making 3 intentions for Monday/Tuesday, but instead I simplified my intentions.

• Dress how I want to feel.
• Publish a blog about Goddess progress.
• Take Dutch for a walk halfway down road.

Before I left my bedroom this morning, I was already wearing heels.  I have pretty much been feeling sick for two to three months now, nonstop.  On Thursday I realized that not only is this getting ridiculous, but I'm not helping anything when I dress like I feel.  Dressing "sick" for months on end just made me feel worse.  I came up with the motto "Dress how you want to feel" and planned to put it into action today, but instead started Friday.  I am already beginning to feel a little bit better.  The second intention? Well, that's what I'm doing now, lol... Dutch is my dog and he is little.  He is literally 12 lbs and it is difficult to get him to walk more that one house past mine.  Today, he would not even walk all the way past the next house.  My intention was to walk him halfway down the road even though it would be difficult.  I walked him around the house for 10-15 minutes, then started down the road.  He did not want to come.  So I picked him up and walked a quarter mile down the road continually talking and petting him, stopping every so often to reassure him even more.  Halfway down the road, I put him down and we went back home.  I expected him to be mad at home and ignore me, but he continued to jump all over me as usual.  Success!

I still need to set intentions for tomorrow, but I am loving the feeling of accomplishment that this is bringing.  No heels tomorrow because I have physical therapy, but I think I will soon be making a continual intention of doing my home therapy so that I may stop going to PT during my lunch breaks twice per week.  I know I can do it and I know that I will set the intention of finding way to heal my knees and it will work.  I am a Goddess, I can do anything.

I am a Goddess and I chose my word of the year

I am a Goddess.  I am sure that you know that, but if you didn't, I guess it's a good thing for me to mention.  I am a Goddess who happens to work in a cubicle and get stressed out at work quite often.  I am a Goddess who is 25 and in love with the idea of love but not in love with a living breathing man.  I am a Goddess who realizes that she is not perfect, and will never be.  But I am also a Goddess that is ready to stop letting the "real" world interfere with her Goddess feelings of joy, happiness, satisfaction, and her knowledge that anything is possible.

Anyway, there is this concept called "word of the year."  I have chosen my word for 2010.  I did not look for my word; it found me.  The word is "intention."  Although this word can be confused with goal or a variety of other words, it is perfect for me for the upcoming year.  I set my intentions and then meet them.  If I write a to-do list, the list ends up being extremely long and hard to accomplish.  If I set goals, then they are for the future and and not always things that are really possible.  With intentions, I can set a few intentions each night for the upcoming day and actually accomplish them.  I have noticed things that needed cleaning in my house over the past days, weeks, months, and have not dealt with them.  Realizing this, I set the intention and then grab the vacumn or cleaning supplies and get it done.  Even a check gets written quicker when I set the intention.

I am hoping to set the intention of keeping up this blog and to continue to live by this word.